Sexuality. Isn’t easy.
Am I gay? Am I straight? I think I like girls? I don’t fucking know.
For some, it doesn't really matter. For others, it matters a lot.
Whether you're comfortable with your sexuality or not, the “I think I like girls" moment present’s unique challenges to us all. These can both confronting and downright scary.
If this is you, rest assured I’m going to help you face those challenges and let you in on some personal insights and juiciness.
No fluff. No filler.
Let’s get started.
Do I Have A Crush On A Girl?
The answer is quite simple. Try it out.
But it’s not that easy right?
As it's baked so heavily in social conditioning and societal pressures.
Particularly if you’ve spent your life exclusively dating men and or have had close intimate friendships with women.
It can be difficult to decipher if you’ve felt an attraction on a sexual, emotional or both basis(or least, never wanted to admit it anyway).
For me, I’ve never looked at a girl and thought “I want you”. It’s been more casual.
A little personal story...
Every connection I've had with a girl has always started as friends. Super casual, enjoying each other's company and then an emotional connection deepens and sooner or later a sexual connection develops.
For me and guys on the other hand, it’s a sexual connection first then an emotional connection later.
But, for those of you not willing to take a deep dive (not muff dive) who want to be a little more discreet with your bi-dar or gay-dar there are some pretty obvious signs that will help you come to a definitive answer.
More on that later.
If you’re reading this, then there’s a high chance you're attracted to girls.
But if you're still unsure, there’s only one way to find out.
When you have the courage to be brutally honesty with yourself, the answer(s) will be allowed to surface.
Figuring out your sexuality is a massively important journey of self discovery and self exploration. Everybody, owes it to themselves to discover the limits of their sexuality. And not let society and old belief systems limit them.
Not confining yourself to who you fall in love with. Instead, letting love be and see who shows up in your life.
Signs that you like a girl
Your flirting like a dog on heat around girls (especially when you’ve had one too many)
We’ve all been there. Having had one too many drinks in a body of suppressed emotions. All of sudden the girl next door turns into a lesbos in full force. Feeling up your friends. Over affectionate to anyone of the same sex.
It’s fun. It’s freeing. And it’s naughty.
Being intoxicated has a way of showing our truths. Even if it scares the shit out of us.
How many of us have been in these moments?
The next day, you feel both liberated but anxious.
Maybe it's first steps of 'coming out'...
You try and get a glimpse of your BFF in the shower or when she’s dressing
Sounds creepy, I know.
But when your BFF comes out of the shower, wet hair, silky smooth skin rocking a skimpy little towel you’re energy shifts...
...from ‘platonic feelings’ into ‘fuck she’s hot!’, then you know there’s more there.
Just wait until your obsession gets even worse and you start visualising/fantasising about her in the shower next.
Shhh! please don’t anyone.
Any homophobic conversation feels a little awkward
I’ve been there.
Sitting around having a laugh with your friends and them someone brings up the ‘lets insult gay people conversation’.
And for whatever reason you feel a jolt, a pang inside. A need to defend yourself and the LBGT community.
Where did this emotional reaction come from, you may ask?
It's more than likely a deep rooted repressed feeling. That's where.
You give a shit about what you look like and about what you’re wearing... in front of her!
Taking good care of yourself and what you look like is extremely healthy and important.
But, when you’ve been through your eighth costume change and all your doing is going out for a coffee with your ‘friend’ then you know something is up.
Over analyzing, worrying and a little unsure of whether you look good or not is a sure fire sign the person you're about to meet is significant and you want to make a good impression.
Watching girl on girl sex scenes turns you on
Who doesn’t get turned on with a sex scene?
And no, I’m not talking about porn.
I’m talking about the kind of scenes from Jennifer's Body with __ and Megan Fox or what about Black Swam with __ and Natalie Portman.
If this doesn’t turn you on, then your definitely straight as fuck.
You can’t stop thinking about or fantasizing about a certain someone
The American anthropologist Helen Fisher describes the obsessive attachment we experience in love as “someone camping out in your head”.
When you really like someone it’s hard to get them off your mind. No matter what you do, that person won’t be too far from your thoughts.
When you like someone, they become the centre of your universe.
You kissed a girl and you like it A LOT
Experimenting is so healthy. It’s a great way for you to work out what you like and what you don’t like.
Kissing a girl is uniquely different to kissing a guy. It’s softer, it’s sensual and it’s super hot!
If you get this kind of reaction then it’s pretty likely you're into girls.
You have a threesome but the dude is in the way
You start making out and you soon realise there’s a third-wheel. The dude is trying his hardest to get a piece of the action, but you're so into the girl you don’t even notice he’s there.
Ahh! You both wished it was just the two of you.
You have sex with a dude but you feel like there something missing
You can’t quite figure out what it is about your partner. But something feels a little off. He’s hot, he’s nice, you enjoy sex together and you enjoy each others conversation.
You keep wondering is this person right for me? Is any dude going to be right? Or are they not right because really you’re into girls?
Give it time and everything will click into place.
So, are you really into girls, or...
Did you answer yes to any of the signs? I betcha you did.
But here’s the thing.
Don’t freak out.
Just because you feel like you might be into girls don’t despair.
Most girls find other women attractive.
It doesn't mean you're going to be going out buying a harley davidson and riding off to the sunset with your chick on the back anytime soon.
Although if you do, I won’t hold it against you.
Here’s the thing about attraction.
Energy doesn't lie.
What this means is, if you do find girls attractive, it’s not something you can turn on or off.
It’s something that you are.
And the biggest lesson for all of us to learn here is, self acceptance.
Accept your sexuality and if you think you like girls, great!
As cheesy as the saying is “just go with the flow”.
What does having a girl crush mean?
A girl crush isn’t always about attraction.
A crush can be anything from a role model to someone you admire to someone you’ve got feelings for.
There is no linear approach when it comes to sexuality.
Here’s what I mean.
I remember one of my first girl crushes. There was a fine line between "I want to be with her" and "I want to be her".
I remember feeling equally attracted and admiration for her.
And I distinctly remember seeing qualities in her, that I felt were missing in myself.
What does this tell us about girl crushes? It tells us that sexuality is a very complex thing.
There is no one size fits all approach.
Some crushes have more significance than others. Some are intense yet non-sexual, and others are sexual.
What does it mean to have a girl crush? It means whatever you want it to mean.
The meaning is nowhere near as important as how you feel about it.
What to do if you have a crush on a girl?
If you have a crush on a girl, it can go two ways.
Firstly, you can choose to be radically honest and express how you feel towards the person - this is usually how I roll.
Or, you can choose to acknowledge your feelings but not fully express them.
This will depend on your level of acceptance with your sexuality and your level of comfort at opening your heart to someone.
Note: There is a third option, which I really don’t recommend. It’s very popular, and goes something like this.
Suppress your feelings and RUN!
It can be overwhelming, terrifying. And, confusing as hell.
So let’s keep it simple…
If it’s a crush (you know a sexual one), and by this I mean you're emotionally charged and you’ve developed feelings for this person, then tell the person how you feel.
No matter what the outcome may be, it’s better to have lived your life being true to yourself than hiding behind a wall of security and comfort.
I mean what’s the worst that I can happen?
Plus, let’s face it.
Rejection isn’t all that bad, is it?
If it's a crush then simply enjoy your infatuation for the person, and try to find those same qualities within yourself.
How do I stop liking a girl?
The moment you realise you like girls, will likely be immediately backed by the thought of "how do I stop liking girls?".
This is usually when you're in the bi-curious stage.
When you know something is up but you're too scared to admit it to yourself.
Let alone anyone else.
You scour the internet for answers, come across blogs like this one, in the hope of finding an answer of why you're feeling like you do about girls.
The truth is, once you know and accept you’re into girls there’s not much you can do about it.
Actually that’s not true.
You can: Embrace it. Surrender to it. Love it.
All of which takes time.
I think (actually I know) I like girls. How about you?
The long, deep, emotional intimate conversations, the next level intimacy and the sensuality is off the charts.
But, that’s bi-the-bi...oops i mean by-the-by. Lol.
Here’s the thing.
You fall in love with a soul not a gender. And you NEVER fall in love with a label.
No matter how far or how well you run or hide; one thing’s remains... your sexuality will always follow you.
So, if you are one of these weird girls who happens to like other girls, these feelings will keep popping into your consciousness time and time again.
So why not try this approach instead...
Love yourself unconditionally. If you are born into a belief system that does not accept your sexuality, maybe you are here to change it.
If you're struggling with society judgments, let go of them.
One thing I can guarantee you, no matter where you are on the Kingsley Scale, you will get to know yourself on a deeper level than you ever knew possible.
Are you attracted to girls?
Share your stories in the comments below.